Dreamily

Animals procreated so that the food chain cycle never break. The fittest survive while the weakest, oldest become the survival means of their predators. Plants flourish with the assistance with the animals. By providing as food, animals spread the seeds to new areas to grow.

Some ‘parents’ foster their young from birth till the young are mature to fend for themselves. Some parents left their youngs to survive on their own, with their basic instincts that are inprinted in their memory/nature. Nature provides both the threats and solutions for each and every species of the living organisims that reside on earth.

Yet, human beings are the greatest threat to the earth. We advanced from (perhaps) the stone age till now. We discovered fire for safety, for cooking, for light; now fire is one of the major destruction. We used it to clear forests, jungles; destroying numerous living organisms which are supposed to make our planet a wonderous place to live, to reduce greenhouse gases.

We had discovered and created multitudinous inventions but it comes with both terrifying and stupendous consquences. One of the marvelous discovery is in the medical field.

Human beings these days, with the help of the medical science, can prolong life. Illnesses can be cured with the help of medicine, vaccines, etc… We keep advancing in the medicial field. Would the day come when we do not need to procreate anymore?

Why do we have to procreate in the first place? So that we have the next generation to shelter us, to feed us, to provide for us?

In the past, when life spans were short and filled with dangerous situations, humans need to procreate so that our species will not die out. However, we have reached the stage where we are slowly wiping out other living florals and faunas. In turn will we be slowly wiping ourselve out in the process?

Too many days in hopsital, had muddled my brains… according to some of my friends who had read, certain portions did not happen on the first day, but happened on the 2nd or 3rd day… But the events were being recorded as I remembered…

Waking up on Tue morning, my mum and granny were already there. Usually on Tue, they had their outing with my sister and brother in law.. This week, they had missed their outing and had to take care of me..

I could not really remember what happened, just that I kept pestering my mum, to bring some of my work items for me to work on so that I could pass to my colleague who would be coming in the afternoon…

And since I was on drip AGAIN(!), I quickly went back to sleep. HAHAHa… cant eat mah….

Dozing on and off, perhaps I was really weak without all the food.. or was it phycological issue, who knows. That was how I spent my whole morning…

However, when lunch time approached, I immediately sleep, so that I don’t have see other patients enjoying their food.

But sleep were not easy for me that afternoon. Doctors told me that I had to go for a CT-scan. Well.. I shrugged, thinking it was something simple and fast. Waiting for my turn to be scan, I had to troubleshoot some unexpected issue from office.

Bad things always happen at the same timing! As my marketing manager was out of town for a week, she handed some projects for me to handle. The client, whom should had called for the items the week before, did not. He communicated with one of my colleague, X, who had agreed to answer calls while my admin, H, run some personal errands during lunch time.

There were changes of the items he wanted, delivery needed to be send and cheques to collect, invoice and DO to be created… As all the items were handled by myself, he had no idea where to get all the documents ready. Subsequently, there were additional orders.

Thus, there were 3 ways communications between X, my marketing manager and me. Thinking of ways to get the items done while crossing my fingers that I would not forget any details.  Finally, after numerous calls, the 2 orders were completed on time.

Solved the mental issues of work, it came the physical torture! H came, and we get some of the payments done. Just as I was able to read the proposal regarding my IT infrastructure, DR C. came in and said that I had to put another IV drip needle, a 3 inch long needle for my CT scan. Blah Blah Blah for all the reasons why she could not use the existing one…

Fine, I just wanna go home, so the faster I could find out what was wrong with me, I could get it done with and go home.. Thus, I calmed myself down.

She started with my right arm, a slight sting, still bearable.. but Dr C said that my vein, too thin, need another vein.Thus she tried my left arm, H was looking in, and Dr C asked her to step outside. However she did not, which was a good thing. Cos DR C poked me 3 times, each time the pain was getting worst. Using the technique of breathing and calming myself down, like when I was diving, it did not work.

I was getting more and more nervous. The stinging sensations got worse. By the time Dr C poked me the fourth time, I was crying softly and protesting that I did not want the needle to be place into me. Other than ’sorry’, ‘you need to have this needle for the scan’, I kept enduring… But it was my flesh, i was the one who was feeling the pain, the discomfort.

Thus by the 5th poke, this time, back to my right hand again, it was at the wrist. The moment the needle went in, I was screaming and crying hard. It hurt so much that even today, 15 days after that incident, my wrist still hurts! Luckily H was ard, she called the nurse to stop Dr C to try anymore.

I am a human, I can feel pain. I dont dare to learn cycling is because I dun wanna fall down, hurt myself and have scars.  In a way, I am so pampered… that pain is something to be avoid.

Thus, I was not sure at that time, were I just being nervous or just a feeling that I imagined. However, the nurse told Dr C that during the CT-scan, they will use the exisiting needle to pump in medicine into me. I was so tensed up that I could not breathe and the kind nurse had to remind me to breath.

Soon I was wheelchaired down to the room for scanning… During the journey from my ward to the room and while waiting for my turn, I could not help but tears kept falling down.  It was so uselessly of me to keep crying… I hated to cry.. but I just could not stop.

When I was finally arrive to the room for scanning, liquid was pumped into me, a hole which things come out, never goes in… YUCKS! It was so disgusting. I was made to ly down for the first round of scanning.

For the second scanning, medicine was pumped into me.. 50% was pumped into me but the machine stopped suddenly.. thus everyone rushed in to troubleshoot the problems.. One of the nurses noticed that I was crying (again) and I just blurted out that my wrist hurted and it was very painful at all the needle punctures areas… while she was comforting me, I suddenly wanna puked, the whole room was in a uproar!

The rush for vomit bags, preventing me from being choked on my puke, clearing the place, rushing for the scan to be complete, trying to pump more medicine into me (there was no need, as I am rather small in size, the medicine that was pumped into me was enough, although it was only 50%) In a way, the scan was rushed for completion… I wonder do they have such a difficult patient often or am i the only one.. hahaha

Back to my ward, without my toiletries (asked my mum to bring for me) i took a bath. But it was an ‘assisted’ one… Asked the nurse to help me cut my tee, cos there was no way for me to pull it off me.. it was a tight tee. thus I ruined one tee… all becos I could not wait to get shower to get rid of my vomit smell…

H, was around, she waited for me in the shower area, as I was rather weak in my knees.. too scared?? maybe…. showering was difficult, with needle in me, i dun dared to make hugh movements.. thus with one hand, to cleanse myself.. I could not said that I did a good job, just managable… It was during the wiping down part, I required more help… dun seems to get myself dry at all… H helped me, she even assist me in wearing the patient clothing — full set this time….

After shower, H helped me to dry my hair and I even got a massage… Cool! but I was getting very tired as the minutes went… I think, before H even left the hospital, I was fast asleep…

Evening approached….

By the time I woke up from my nap, my cousin and her partner had disappear for dinner… and next to me were my mum and granny…

Subsequently, a close friend of mine came with her husband… She (A) is very scared to come to hospital for she is afraid to see patients with missing limbs, etc…. Yet they are so caring to come over to visit me.

Conversations flow freely, until my mum needed to go off, and A volunteered to send my granny home, 4 of us headed to Delifrance for dinner… They eat and drink, while I could only sniffed at the food… The chinese believed that ghosts smell the food and would be full.. That, I mentioned…. hehehe…. Kena scolding for saying the wrong stuffs…

It was a torture! I could only watch and smell.. but could not taste and eat… Especially the cream of mushroom soup.. my fav. Finally, the whole ordeal was over, and I slowly make my way back to the ward to rest.. That was my second stroll of the day! Still rather lively, and chatty… The moment I reached the first door to my ward, there a group of doctors waiting for me…

My senior doctor first words to me was "you do not have appendix problems’ something similar to it.. as I could walk all over the place… Thus a quick checkup by them and one of the doctor, Dr X, allowed me to eat something light.. for I had been complaining to him, while he listened to my stomach.. hehehe.. my stomach was making tons of noises..

Yipee.. my first cup of milo and a cracker…. taking them slowly as I dun wished to throw everything out… before i could drink a mouthful of milo, my congee arrived! Super happy even when my friends and granny left for home….

Shortly after they left, another friend of mine came (M)… think he pitied me for being admitted to hospital that he gave in to my request to borrow a novel for me.. hahaha… while i managed not to throw out my milo and cracker, M came… selecting the book and then I continued with my congee… only then I knew that M had not ate his dinner.. and he only had his fishballs for dinner… thus, I offered him my Rochers… since he is such a nice guy…

By the time I finished my congee, M was replaced by J, S, P and C… they were my sec school friends! was supposed to meet them for dinner tat nite.. in the end, after their dinner, they came to visit me..

As it was approaching 9.30 pm and 2 of the patients were sleeping… I asked the girls to go out to chat… J volunteered to assist me, so I pointed to my bag of drip… thinking that she would understand that I need her help to remove it from the bed stand holder…

With my back facing her, C approached her and someone else was pushing the portable drip holder over to J, I heard C burst out laughing.. She was trying her best to control! And the next time I saw, J took the bed stand out from the bed ! 5 women giggling… I was so afraid to get scolding from the nurses, I quickly usher all of us out… and the last time I saw was, the other waking patient saw the whole incident! and she was giggling too!

Rushing to an area without patients, we let ourselves go… Laughing until a family of vistors had to look at us,…. from there, we caught up quite a bit.. We had chatted for almost 1.5 hour… with the last 15 mins or so, I was trying my best not to doze off…

J had brought some egg tarts, which I regretted not eating… and mum had oso brew some soup for me which I intented to drink the following day… Cos in the middle of the night, my fever came back and it was 39.1oD….

Back to NIL BY MOUTH… oh manz.. freezing in the middle of the night. so cold… even with 2 blankets… especially with the liquid going into my body via the needle.. it was so chilling that my whole arm hurt.

And with that, my first 24 hours in hospital exprience…

PS: Dr X came to draw blood for more tests… he had the 10ml pump in his box of tools.. which he had to use 2 needles.. for the 2 times he tried drawing blood, my veins went dried… he could not pump any blood out! Think I am scared of needles.. hahaha

He used a thicker needle for the first time but i think he took pity on me, that he switch to a thinner needle for the second try. In the end, he was not able to draw enough blood, but he just make do with what he could ’suck’ out from my blood.

For almost 2 weeks, I still have 2 brusies from this exprience…

Firstly, I would like to express my thanks for all who had visited me in the hopsital.

Before i was showed to my ‘bed’ for proper sleep.. I need my sleep and my food as always…

Thus, before my tests were completed, I was hungry and sleepy. From the time I reached hospital till the time I was admitted, it was almost 9am… By then, I was so sleepy that I almost fall asleep, I was awaken by the nurse and was pushed to another department for another check-up… How to sleep…

While I was sent to another doctor for check-up, I had to wait for almost 1 hour for the room to be ready. I was both hungry and sleepy…. thus I fell asleep so that I could forget my hunger. KEKE… that’s typical of me… Oh yes… before I dozed off before I was sent to this department, I was so hungry that I smsed some of my close friends and grumbled of my lack of food.. hahahaha… (That isn’t unusual)

When I finally fell into deep sleep, the nurses and doctors would come in and ask questions, drew blood, check this and that, or going for x-ray, etc…The senior A&E doctor was pushing for all different doctors to see what was wrong, and which ward to be admitted…  When I was finally sent to a ‘bed’, it was after lunch… Hoping that I was able to eat, I went happily with the porter..

Although I was ‘upgraded’… I had choosen a 6 beds, non-air con ward, they had run out of beds, so I was ‘given’ a 4 beds, air con ward with TV and phone….. seems such a ‘privilege’… However, with me running a fever, on drip (dying of hunger… I wonder how our malay friends could endure their fasting month… It was a torture!), thin blanket, I wanna go home…

Thus the moment I hit the bed, I hit the slumber land. Yet, before I fell asleep, I tried my luck to ask for lunch but was …..

The moment I woke up… I felt that there was someone next to me…. true enough, it was my cousin, sitting next to me, looking at me.. weaken without food… OMG.. and I was presented with Rochers.. drooling and feasting with my eyes only…

By the time, her partner had come to visit me, I had managed to get some ‘food’ like glucoso. Bored with the ward, 3 of us went for a walk to the convienent store and back.. That was my first walk of the day… pushing a drip stand, wearing the hopsital bottom and a red tee-shirt, it was a comical sight (all patients were wearing the hospital clothing, while i was in ‘half-uniform’ :p)

By the time I was back to the ward, I realised that I was rather sleepy (hungry too) so i went back to sleep with my cousin and her partner watched the tv program…

(To be continued…..) Time to go and sleep… had eaten my filled for tonite.. 

A typical Sunday night…… spend time on self-grooming, painting of nails, (painted my fingernails in nude and my toenails in BRIGHT RED), etc…. so that I would look freshed on Monday, chasing the Monday’s blues away….

The early part of the day was preparing for my class test on the following Tuesday.. Since it was on Statistic, a subject which I detested the most, efforts were made.

Too much of coffee, lack of sleep and stress overloaded.. Year-end coming, accounts needs to be closed, debts to be chased, projects on both work and studies are on tight deadlines…  That was why I was having bad tummy-ache that day….

With the knowledge that my management would not be in town for the following two days, I conditioned myself not to be sick, thus, took 4 bottles of the ‘po chi’ pills…

Going to bed earlier than usual, so that I would be ready to tackle Monday blues… Yet, there is fate.. Or just plain unluckily….

In the middle of the night, coming to 4am, I woke up due to aching of my bones, from fingertips to my calf muscles.. Shivering from the chill of my bones, I tried to go back to sleep but to no avail. Thus, getting off the bed, not a small feat as I need to climb down in my weaken state almost missing 2 steps before I could touch the floor; in search for a thermometer….

Looking everywhere in the home for it, it was finally located in my sister’s room.. Luckily she did not scold me for switching on her lights initially.. I was running a fever of 38.9 o C!

Time to get the calvary… Wanting to wake my mum up, but I had to get my bro-in-law up first, for he was the nearest… in the end, everyone in my family woke up.. and my mum sent me to the hospital…

Immediately upon taking my temperature, the nurse sent me directly to the an isolated area, and was checked on soon.

Due to my allergy to painkillers, I was not given any to reduce my fever and my on-coming headache…

Perhaps I was having dengue or similar.. so, admitting myself in and get some medicines would quickly get rid of whatever is inside me….

By the time the A&E doctor said that there were a series of tests that needed to be run, and I had to be admitted, it was almost 8 in the morning….. by then, i was dead-beaten and HUNGRY!!!

Since I was on drip, I was not suppose to eat anything at all…. one good thing is that my mum finally went home… as she did not sleep much, it was a worry for me..

In the meantime, it was funny to note that I was able to sms my bosses and colleagues abt me going to be admitted to hospital……

Is it a norm  or it is just me, a workaholic worker??? to be thinking of work..

Anyway, that is just the beginning of a torturous week for me…  Read on if you are not bored..

Scary scary!! After such a long period without stepping into classroom, I had actually completed 2 modules (crossing my fingers and toes hard!).

Had to complete 2 reports and 2 graded exams within 3 months.. It was a tough life. Juggling with work, school, friends, family among other stuffs!

With help from some friends, I was able to complete my reports with passing grades. Although I could have done better if I had started early and researching more! It was the checking and re-structing of the reports with them, enable me to get the scores. Objective is the word that been going round my brain (which went on a strike!) Had went on a mood swing during this period..

And I got worse during the week before my exams. Slightly stuffs would just set me off.. especially those who are the closest to me.  Normally a calm and peaceful person, now had become irritable, hot-tempered and having a sharp-tongue waiting to be lashed out.

Almost had a nevous breakdown, but with the support of some friends, it was over. Although things have settled down, in another 3 months down the road, history might repeat itself until i completed the whole course!

Last nite while I was packing my stuff, in preparation of my next modules, I took a walk down the memory lane.

Yes, at this young age, I reminiscing the past of would-be, could-be, might-be…..

Reading the cards and letters I had kept all those years, there was a bittersweet feelings. The promises broken, the fading friendships. One of the sentences struck me deeply.. It was "handle my heart with care’… and in the end, it was mine who was carelessly handled. Ouch!

Touching the gifts that are treasured and keep in mint conditions (I am an abusive person to my personal assets), not willingly to use them so that they will remain as the day I had received the items.  Memories flooded back.

How often had i hoped to change history, but changing them is changing who I am today. Would I want to change the choices I had make, choosing another choices? Taking the easier way out?

I doubt I would really make the changes even if the chances are presented to me. By doing that, I would not be able to live my life to the fullest as what I am doing now..

Although memories are what I have, but at least the road taken was well trodden.

Once, I read a book, it is called Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas. Through this novel, it make me reflects the things we have done, are doing and going to do..

Everyone of us is juggling with 5 balls…. they are: family, friends, health, something and work.. the only ball will bounce back when we drop it will be WORK..

And the most fragile ball is health.. If we have accidentally drop it, it will break, it might smashed into pieces… where pieces cant be mend back… Sometimes, it is easier said than done.  Especially in our current lifestyle.

Are we able to live a meaningful life or to wander around aimless, pursuing the ideal lifestyle in exchange with our health? How many tomorrows do we have if we don’t treasure our health today?

Needlessly to say, I have been neglecting my own health in my pursue of my ‘future’ . And now I am down with a bout of bad sore throat..

Gonna rest well, then work ….

Wat does one week, one person, 3 times, means? It means that a good friend of mine (you know who you are) had cancelled our gathering last min… How late was it?

First time, it was almost near to the meeting time which was cancelled

Second time, it was abt 45mins away from our meeting time

Third time, it was abt 15-30 or was it on the dot of the meeting time.

Being buddies, the first time, well, i accepted his explaination as he needed to meet his GF after a quarrel. Second time, he needed to go home.. And lastly, the 3rd time, he meeting his GF again.

As a friend, should i allow a friend to treat me in such a way? 3 times in a row.. In a week… Although having a partner.. does it means that our friends can forsake us? I had even open the invite to his GF during the third occassion.. As we were celebrating a mutal friend’s b-day!! With an open mind with the first 2 times that he could not make it, but the fact was that, arrangements were made way before hand. Booking were made.

Yes, a partner is someone to be treasured.. But wat abt friends? Quality or Quantity times are more important. Nowsaday, friendships are easily bonded yet oso easily break. WHY? it is the effort of keeping in touch. It take both hands to clap.

If one side of the hand is willing, but the other is not, we are not able to create any music at all.. even by clapping of hands, something which are so simple. Needless to say, i used to make all the effort to maintain a friendship with a friend so long ago, but it was sad.. cos my efforts was wasted.. In the end, in order to be happy, and to embrace the close friends i had then, i let her go..

Noted my words ‘the close friends i had then’, it is sad to say, as we matured, our thinking, our wants, our needs has all changed.. for better for worse, it is a big question..

Anyway, at the end of the day, when one is lonely, who do you look for?? your partner or friends? I am blessed with lots of friends, friends who are always there for me, even when i am in or in bet relationships. Cos they are the ones who keep you in focus. Whom have seen you in ur worse stage…

My point is, partner is important but friends are oso important too.. dun just drop them when your partner wished to meet you. Can bring your partner along or stand firm..

Just imagine, at times when there is a all-gals or all-guys nite, how do you bring your partner along? Or do you forgo the bonding? How do you balance?

It’s a 8 days full of celebration. Well, not exactly. But was all packed into 3 evenings and 1 afternoon…

It was a crazy period.. which will end this sat…  Well, although there will be one which i will miss the celebration.. But it is for good clause.. cos i will be a lightbulb.. (since when i am not one?? ;=P)

The first celebration, was at settlers cafe.. 4 of us with 2 cakes and lots of laughter! The first game we played was Risk, mission mode. Each of us were armed with our little soldiers and using a dice to determine the fate of our soldiers… Imagine that.. wat if our fate is determine by the roll of the dice or dices.. or watever.. tat’s a gamble.. but since when life is not a gamble?

Each time when everyone of us is at a fork, a juction, a crossroad, or when there is not even a route, we have to make our decision, forecast the way how we are going to map out our lives.. But it’s like a ripple.. the moment a decision is cast, it affect the surrounding.. yet many times, although the decision does not turn out the way we like them to be, occassionally the end-result might be wat we had wanted or the results might even exceed our expectations!!

So, back to the game of Risk… among the thorns, there was the ‘Rose’ of the nite.. The rose of the night, well, was the only person who know abt warfare.. unlike the thorns.. thus onwards, we tried our best.. to conquer our quest. It was a game where pouts, dares, bravery of the little soldiers comes about.. when one draws, win or lose.. All by the turn of the dices… We increased our soldiers at every turn then we lost them or the land by cold calculation.. IS tat how warfare is abt too??

And since it was a mission quest, one of the player had already won the game but had mistaken the quest due to the wording of "OR". She had tot that she had to complete both missions.. Nevertheless, onwards we played the other games.

The next one was something like ‘heartattack’. Each of us had 9 pieces of cards… which we had to swap to anyone and collect a set of cards with the same pictures!! The first one was hilarious… The atmosphere was tensed as we were trying to accummulate and be the first to get the full set of the cards.. So when the first person completed and placed his hand on the table, all of us scramped not to be the last.. As usual, i am the slow one.. so my hand was on the top..

Without much warning, the hand had come down and hit mine… Well.. just for the fun of it.. it wasnt painful.. BUT here came the reality.. The rose who won the first round.. He LACKED of one card to completed his set.. OMG..

For the next few rounds, we ensured that those who won, show all their complete set of cards. Then there was one round.. which i was trying to gather 8 pieces of cards before exchanging the last odd piece out.. Finally when i got my 8 cards, i was a little too late.. cos there was one who got her card completed.. keke and the one whose cards i am keeping, well.. was… (you can understand how the person felt)

Not only that, there was one round which i was keeping 4 cards and another friend was also keeping the same set of cards, in the end, it was the other 2 friends managed to complete their set.. :=P

Follow by that, it was pictionary or wat i called it, ‘the draw draw game’ kekeke.. by my description, u can guess wat it is abt.. pairing ourselves up, it was sanz n me, jane and andr. Oh yes.. these are the people who were at the settlers cafe..

Once again, the dice is need and to determine our fates!! For the higher the dice no is, the faster we hit the jackpot.

With this game, there was many table hitting periods, laughting out loud and sharp (me only hor) and quite a no. of times of ‘how to draw this’ or ‘this thing dun look like wat it is suppose to be’ or similar wordings…

For an instance, there was a time when we need to describe a word related to ‘dog’.. thus, one of us, using the reverse thinking.. cos her partner wasnt able to speak out the word dog, she drew a ‘cat’ hoping to link the word for her partner.. well, sadly.. they were not able to guess it in time.. Neither can i remember if anyone of us guess the word correctly..

Thus, using the same theory, that partner of hers, drew something that was the opposite of wat the next (or was it some games after…) However, it did not work!! it was another round of laff.. at one another!

It makes me wonder.. how differently our mind works.. how it changes and responsed to each situations…

For me, i am the one who is always the slow one to catch one. BUT for most, they are able to adapt to the switching of mind.. (the minds hor..not other things!!)

Perhaps, it might be a better things, not to think too hard! :P